I feel like I've been lied to a lot over the past few years between relationships, friendships, clients, family, and all the other people that come in and out of my life.
Maybe not flat-out lied to, but the silence and pause without explanation says so much in what people want to say but don't. Or they don't know what they want to say, so they stay silent while the thoughts brew in their heads.
Do you know how exhausting it is to hear how deafening this silence is? It makes me want to scream to break it.
Why can't we just say the things we think will hurt others but desperately need to say? Even if it's not directly to the person that should be hearing it, can we say it to someone that will listen? I'd love for us all to practice speaking truth... our truth. Perhaps by speaking it out loud, we'll soon have the courage to say it to the people that need to hear it.
Here's just a few of the things I've imagined people want to say. Some of them are things I know I've wanted to say (and some I have):
I don't agree with your opinions and I don't like what you stand for.
I don't think you understand how the world works and you should expose yourself to other news outlets than what you find on Facebook.
I don't want as close of a friendship with you anymore, and I'm afraid to tell you that because others have lashed out and latched onto me for telling them something like that.
I'm not in love with you and don't think I ever will be, and I'm afraid to tell you that because you love me and I like that you love me.
I think you're pretty annoying and that's why I never have anything to say around you.
I love you, and I'm afraid to find out what that means to me.
I'm afraid to tell you about my past because I'm afraid you'll run away and think I'm too fucked up to handle.
I want you to buy me flowers without me asking for you to buy me flowers.
I don't actually know what I'm doing here and need more help than I care to admit or ask for.
I'm scared of what you want to do with your life because I've never envisioned something like that for you or myself.
I'm trying to impress you by pretending I know how to cook when in fact I've shown you the five recipes I know.
I actually am this disorganized all the time. You just caught me off-guard because I usually clean up thirty minutes before anyone comes here.
I'm actually not that upset that you're out of my life because I valued what we had and now it's time for us to move on, and I hope you can too.
I'm really hurt by what you said. I have a hard time trusting you for that.
I get really scared when you get drunk because I don't know what to expect.
I want to be close to you but know that I can't.
I want to spend my life with you, and I want to make this work because I think you're worth the effort, but I'm afraid you don't and that's what is holding me back.
I feel closer to you, but I don't know if you feel closer to me.
I want to get you drunk so you tell me how you really feel.
I don't think you've been telling me the whole truth because you're afraid to hurt me.
I feel awkward being around you since you had a bad falling out with my partner.
I'm dealing with a lot of problems at home and I don't know who to turn to for help because I don't want to out myself as a child in a problem family.
I feel like this is my fault and I need you to tell me it's not.
I'm angry at how the government is handling affairs.
I really love the government and how it's running.
I feel awkward considering our history.
Dating you and knowing you're not long-term for me is better than not dating at all.
I thought we had a good thing going and I want to know the real reason why you cut me off.
I realized that I've been a jerk this whole time, and I'm sorry.
I wish we could have stayed in touch instead of let each other slowly fade out.
I don't like where my life is, and I want to change it but can't do it alone.
I knew I wanted to spend my life with you as soon as I met you.
When you told me it's over, it shattered my heart. I had been looking at rings.
I need help before I do something self-destructive.
I want to be your everything, and I know that I'm not capable of giving that to you.
I have so many dreams and I'm afraid I'll never get a chance to pursue them all and still have the dream life and family I want.
I want an unconventional life and I'm afraid I'll push everyone I care about away by pursuing that.
I need a hug right now.