What surprised me the most was how much I learned about myself by going to these cities and traveling for so long. In no particular order, here's just a small sampling about what happened in the past couple months.Read More
I’ve been told by several that I seem like a “nice girl.”
Fuck that noise. I am neither “nice” or a “girl”.
What do I mean by that?
Nice, as I’ve seen it used in context, implies that I try to please everyone. I certainly don't do that.
Nice conjures images of innocent and unsuspecting women that make you feel good all the time. The epitome of sugar, spice and everything nice. But the spice is usually minimized in this imaging.
I don’t do that shit.
I also don’t like being called a “girl.” I’ve noticed this odd trend of infantilizing people when they call women well into their 20’s and 30’s “girls”. I do not like this trend.
Modern society (minus this odd trend) would call this a norm: girls are teenagers. Early 20’s is questionable on whether to call someone a “girl” or a “woman” (or neither if they present as what looks to be a woman but don’t identify with that— fuck the binary!), but I’m still a proponent of asking what they prefer as they’re adults with their own autonomy. Late 25 or older… that’s when I’d consider switching over to using “woman” exclusively. Others may see this differently.
I am kind. I try to find the win-win for everyone, and sometimes that means giving up some of what you wanted so everyone can get what they need. And I stand up for that as often as I can.
People don’t always like me for it, and I’ve had some real negative lashback on standing up for myself with compassion. Some would call that being a bitch. But to many others, it’s being kind.
As for the other part? I’m 28. I’ve traveled. I’ve gone through my growth periods in my early 20’s. The way I socialize and see the world has changed. The way I interact with people and use my energy has matured.
I am not a nice girl.
I am a kind woman.
I'm realizing as I meet more and more people that I'm actually less awkward than I thought I was by going up and talking to people just because I'd like to and am usually not afraid to butt in with some finesse. Today I'd like to talk about how to do that a little better.Read More
This weekend was my 27th birthday. I was surrounded by close friends I had made over the past year. About 20 people sang Happy Birthday for me the night before at a karaoke bar, and 26 people came to my birthday brunch (three of them were my family members, but still). They all came together, connected with other friends, and got socialable-- all for me. I was overwhelmed with happiness!
One year ago, my birthday was on a Saturday night. Five people showed up to my birthday outing. So this year was a huge improvement. I was so grateful for everyone that came
I did quite a few things to change up my social life, and it's helped create the social life I have and love so much. The people you surround yourself with are people that will also influence your own thinking.
So how do you go about changing your social life? What's the first step?
Well, before you get on the road, it's always helpful to have a destination in mind. So I recommend looking into what kind of social life you want. Do you want a huge friend group? Do you want to know your neighbors better? Do you want just a few, close, intimate friends you see often and one-on-one? What kind of things do you want to have in common (aka what do you want to be doing together that you'll all enjoy doing) ? Do you want to consider friends you only go out and have fun with, or do you only want deep, meaningful conversations amongst your friends?
You might not have answers to all of these questions. Some of these answers may change with time. One thing is for certain, at least having an idea of what you want in a friend or friend group will help you so much with figuring out how to go ahead with building your social circle.
As a heads up, I'm going to World Domination Summit 2017 this week and will be coming back with a course to help you make your summer more social! Stay tuned for more details. If you want in on the list to be notified right away about this course, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
I'm no doctor and cannot guarantee what will work for you without professional help tailored to your specific needs (and any underlying conditions you might have that affect how you respond to treatments). But I can tell you what has worked for me as someone that has gone through this cycle many times.Read More
Within eight measures, I found myself thanking Andrea and excusing myself from the conversation to find a safe place to put down my off-white wristlet and my gift box that they had given all the guests at the party to keep closed until we opened them together, and with each step I took towards the music I found my Inner Child jumping with joy to the beat, ready to be unleashed from her cage and fully coming out on the dancefloor.Read More